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my thoughts are mine as such my words are mine they form inside my head they brew a storm of pure emotion mixed with thought a dash...

Saturday, October 29, 2016

pretty gold cage

like a bird
in a cage
i can't fly
i can't sing
i can't see the sky
or feel the air
to be given wings
with feathers to fly
to know my real purpose
but not be able to rise
from my perch
in a pretty gold prison
i sit all the day
and cry all the night
mourning a life
i don't understand
one with space to grow
one with room to become
what i was made to become
not sit in a pretty gold prison
with a pretty gold key
that i stare at all day
but out of twisted values i stay
and watch the key turn
twisting and teasing
torturing me
just within reach
till i turn too
and ignore the truth
that i am afraid
to touch the key

and be free


Thursday, October 2, 2014

of lullabyes and winking dreams

a child's lullabye
brings dreams to mind
to take the child from the world
so filled with verses yet unseen
the chorus sung is lovely and high
and brings her sleep
but undertones of sad transition
from one end of the scale to the next
lends itself to verse despairing
in gradual downcast descent.

you are my sunshine my only sunshine
but when her eyes close
the words reveal
hidden sorrow
so deeply longing
for a love
that won't be again...

oh my darling oh my darling oh my darling clementine
truth is in the
verse but children
only hear the
gentle tones
of a song so
rife with loss and
ending with
a sour note:
love was lost and
then forgotten
with a kiss from
someone close...

twinkle twinkle little star
dreams above me wink and call
teasing me with glimpses fair
beg me heed their taunting dare
build me up to watch me fall
never cared for me at all.


Thursday, July 10, 2014

damn dishes

frost heaves on my arms today
from letting the dishwater in
along with everything else
that comes my way
i let it get under my skin
in ways i never understand


the skin is cracked
a faint red line
from washing dishes
that aren't even mine
dirty dishes
i wash them all


i cut my thumb on something
someone else put it in the sink
but i still felt i should wash it
now i've two red lines
along my thumb
from washing everyone else's dirty dishes


they've started piling them on
one by one
the stack grows higher
silver trays with scars from slicers
and slicers blunt from overuse
the ladles red with saucy blood
and pans that got all bloodied too
and more pans
burnt pans
some tattooed
by wrongful labels
slighted truths
boldly written in
permanent ink
upon their very bodies
and that is the most frustrating thing


all i want to do
is wash the dishes
and be done with their mess
but they wrote in
permanent ink
and there is
i can do to fix it.


Wednesday, July 9, 2014


let the words come out of me
let this be your story
let your gifts flow back to you
and show your beauty in all its glory.
let me be a vessel by which
you can be shown to the world
let the words become your works
but not by me alone.
let your love work through me
and let it be all by you
let me be a channel through which
a one can be made new.


Wednesday, June 25, 2014


one day i'll write a story
it'll tell all 'bout my life
all the things i wondered 'bout
will finally be clear
and i
yes i will find a peace in that
'cause one day it will show
that trusting was the best idea
i could have ever known.

4/29/2014 & 6/25/2014

Saturday, June 21, 2014

to those who make decisions in the dark

to those who make decisions in the dark
let me tell you
the hell you raise is hell you pay tomorrow
you see
the truth you hide with lies among the shadows?
it's out.
what's harmless now becomes a nightmare later
and then
the monster you created in the darkness?
it angers.
the conspiracy you formed among the few?
it breaks.
the safety net you thought you built around you?
it rips
when all wake up and finally see the truth.
i tell you
we'll wake up all enraged and you will flounder
like a stranded seal abandoned by his mother.
we're like
a group of writers censored in their efforts
why not
just hold a lighted match up to their blood and sweat and tears?
why not
just bring a riot right upon your doorstep?
don't fear
it's not a bloody, physical affair
you'll see
it's more of a goodbye, we've finally had it
and then
you have your lies but no one wants a share.


Wednesday, June 18, 2014


to fly from one tree to another
to leave the safety of this nest
wove with down from my loving mother
tended by the love of all i've met.
to fly to branches unknown as yet
have i now the means to fly?
now i look down 'pon myself
and see that i have fully fledged.
perched on a branch and yearning to fly
fly to a nest i've never seen
set on a tree i've scarce explored
where nests a most beloved bird:
patience has he with my indecision
strength he shows in the passing moments
compassion he gives with each complication
love he gives without reserve.
wings i have and feathers too
desire and soul that longs for you
how soon shall i fly there? soon please soon
i'll conquer the fear and fly out to the blue.


Friday, April 4, 2014

of obstacles to fate

painted on
and curled
the waves of ocean
turn to foam
that sprays
the land with water
crashing into
on their way to the shore
on their course
by the grand and sullen doors
of the shoreline's first guardians
the ocean draws into me
and i to it
but doors hold fast
so tightly knit
so neither i
to the ocean
can go
nor the ocean
to me
can come.

3/29/2014 & 4/4/2014

Thursday, April 3, 2014


i've no grace
else what you've given
and to that point
i'm in a debt
that man can't pay
for he's a sinner;
you paid the price.
i've been saved yet.


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

of gates and pleading

gates that guard the ocean
standing tall
and daring me
of iron
in fire
from coals
that burn 
my fate
to enter
through these gates
the ocean's vastness
open please
i call
but nothing happens
so i bid it
once again
open please
but it stands there
strong and tall
i fear the gates
their silence
blocking out
ocean's call
open please
i bid again
they stand there
mocking me
and so i turn
in fury
turn again
to face 
my newfound enemy
i yell
open now
they stand there
silent they
stare at me
and so i cry out
open now
and still
they stand there
i wrap my fingers
round the rails
and shake the gates
with all my might
and scream out
open open open!
but still
they do not heed 
my call
open open open OPEN!
i plead my case
but then i fall



black indifference
stands its ground
my futile tries
seem foolish now
for though i tried
was not enough
a gate is mindless
it pays no mind
to beatings
heartfelt screams
gates see nothing
but have a lock
for just one key
which i have not.


Tuesday, April 1, 2014


seize this youth
like a flower in bloom
opening in spring
reaching for the sun
a rose petal
amidst its many peers
covered in dew
sweet honey drops,
fresh roots and buds.

3/25/2014 & 4/1/2014

Sunday, March 30, 2014

orchestra of the heart: drowning

with that beginning note
starts the memory of the heart
seventeen notes later
the strangest pangs will start
the song brings back a memory
of something that you've lost
a time that you won't have again
and so you take a pause.
and as you listen to this song
those pangs will pierce your soul
they'll soon become addicting
and your heart will pay the toll
but amazing how those blood-red notes
assault your heart like darts
they course right through your pulsing veins
and infect your beating heart
with feelings known from times gone past
they're liquid now
they're flowing fast
the notes pour in
your heart is drowned
in pools
of blood-red liquid sound.

11/15-16/2010 & 1/2011

reposted with a few minor edits and a title--after posting turning, I realized that it had a similar theme to this one and so i decided to make them part of a series: "orchestra of the heart."

Sunday, March 16, 2014


i'm drowning in a desert
and nothing's making sense
my world is turned upon me
as i reach up my hand
above the waves of golden grain
that rain on me like fire
crashing down in waves that scourge
and bruise me without tire
my lungs are drenched with desert sand
as the dunes grow ever higher
upon my shoulders they build for me
a murky, hidden pyre.

it's caught me in a whirlpool
of unprecedented heat
the anger that's within
comes from my burning, my defeat
it brews around as hurricanes
that will themselves to grow
and boil and froth more misery
as on their path they go
through oceans of insanity
and seas of salty doubt
that seep into my every wound
searing and stinging throughout.

i know not why i'm in the ocean
nor why i'm in a drought
nor why i seem to be forgotten
when i'm crying out so loud
i am drowning in a desert
and burning in the water
i cannot grasp, can't understand
this paradox, this hour,
but if i'm here i ask of You
to purify me now
to cleanse me of my bitter sins
and make of me a tower
wrought of that which is sublime
of joy from sadness grown
of misery to loveliness
of beauty turned from woe.


Monday, March 3, 2014

round and round and round/into the breeze

round and round and round i go
where i'll go,
nobody knows
but only in heaven
and i'm here on earth
with my head in a rush
from going round and round and round
wandering throughout my head
i've gotten lost again
it's a dangerous place
and i can't stand
no i can't stand
i have to spin
round and round and round
and never ceasing
always twirling
chaos follows
gets mixed in
throwing paint into the breeze
till it splatters in the air--
i know how to paint with all the colors of the rainbow
i just don't know how to paint them with an aim
my arm is bad at judging where to go when
throwing paint into the breeze--
and now i'm spinning--
the paint is blurring--
my head is pained--
a tornado of color--
i gasp for breath--
it's moving towards me--
and i fall down--
and i can't move--
i can't get up--
i'm lifted up--
my head is spinning--
the colors consume me--
my thoughts consume me--
and now i'm thinking--
and now i know--
that going round and round and round
always catches up somehow
and now i've done it
once again
i've torn myself down with my paints
while throwing thought into the breeze
they mixed and swelled with utter ease
and now they've come full circle here:
they mixed and came out utter fear.


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

of dead ends and candles

dead leaves.
dead trees.
all i see
is another dead end
lit by the light of another candle.
what's left to do
but turn around
ask God for help
once again
be washed clean
once again
take a chance
once again
that all will be well
once again
and over and over
it keeps coming back
i'm at the start
just like the past
another candle's lighted wick
burning bright with hope
and so
i follow my new flame
to the end of the wick
as i wander deeper
into the length of another road
all my heart and
all my hopes
burning bright inside a flame
this one may just be eternal
and'll lead me to myself
at last

and then it goes out.

just like the rest.
i've hit a dead end.
once again.
i'm surrounded.
dead leaves.
dead trees.
all i know's
there's another dead end
and i need another candle.